MA or MD? The Moral Struggle of the Graduate

If you haven’t taken MD before, I’m not too sure how it works, but it feels like all the potential serotonin that your brain creates to make you feel happy is harvested and injected into your brain in one massive hit. Like, you’re deliriously happy, and you have no idea why.

And then you find yourself awake at 7am the next day wondering why you are uncontrollably weeping to videos on YouTube of Japanese men preparing miniature food.

On the night you might have conversations with yourself like

  • I’m happy but I know I’m not really happy
  • It’s just chemicals in my brain telling me I’m happy
  • I know deep down that I’m not happy
  • My bladder is full but I don’t have to pee
  • Everyone is looking at me
  • Why do I taste blood in my mouth

And then suddenly you’re dancing amongst forty people staring at strobe lights to music that makes you feel like your head is actually wrapped in one of those giant keyboards they have in huge department toy stores, and there’s a tiny little man inside your brain methodically running up and down the keys. Also he’s wearing cleats. Also, somewhere there is someone playing really bad drum and bass.

MD makes me super friendly, but also I need to dance. I spent a lot of time occupying myself grinding. Sometimes people, but mostly my teeth, against the insides of my bleeding cheeks.

I was on top form that night. Saying things left right and centre. Some of the hits included

  • Have you seen the lights
  • Aren’t the lights cool
  • I’m on MD

Sometimes, in return, I even listened to people, and was heard by probably none. I even attempted to approach someone from my class I recognised.

“Hey, what are your plans for next year?” -Me, good start.

She looks blankly back at me. She doesn’t know who I am. I have been in the same class as this girl for three years. Three years.

“I study film and literature!” – Me, desperate

“Oh, in the year below?” – Girl, possibly frigid

“I’m on MD” – Me, on MD

I seek out my best friend who is desperately tearing out her hair in an attempt to scalp herself. We both agree we’re probably having a great time.

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