The Impending Doom of The Hamster Trade

As long as the pet trade has existed, there has been hamsters. And as long as there has been hamsters, there has been Syria.

Syria- what does it make you think of? No, not their firm family favourite type of curd cheese served with cookies called Ka’ak. Or their traditional sword dance. It’s hamsters, probably.

How it used to be:

You (going into your local pet store): Hello sir, I would like to buy a hamster please.

Pet store owner: Hello nice lady, of course you can. May I recommend a Syrian hamster, or as they are more commonly known, the ‘golden hamster’? Their name in the local Arabic dialect where they were found roughly translates to “mister saddlebags” They are very active with great personalities. Let me show you to the exercise wheels. For the hamster, I mean. You actually look very trim.

How it will be now:

You (going into your local pet store): Hello sir, I would like to buy a hamster please.

Pet store owner: Djungarian or Roborovski?

You (a bit hard of hearing): Ovski?

Pet store owner: No, Roborovski.

You: What about Syrian?

Pet store owner: No chance mate.


Do you see? In the wild, these hamsters are now considered vulnerable.


Why should I care?

1) They are just like humans.

“Hamsters are very territorial and intolerant of each other, with attacks against each other being ubiquitous”

sound familiar?


“the female may attack the male after mating.”

God, don’t they bloody all? Bloody women.


“they may kill and eat healthy young”

And the list goes on.


2) They are used lots in scientific research.

This is a whole different kettle of fish. Which, interestingly, are not usually tested on, nor is their frequent counterpart; the kettle.


The sickening facts:

In 2014, there were 400,000 hamsters as pets across the UK. In 2013, there were half a million. What happened to 100,000 hamsters in that time, did they die? Will more die because of the actions that took place in parliament yesterday? What will happen to the otherwise roaring sawdust trade? I don’t know, but I’m worried, and so should you be.


Obviously, this is written in jest. I’m upset and scared about the decisions made last night. Please give anything you can to help.

One thought on “The Impending Doom of The Hamster Trade

  1. vitzy93 December 4, 2015 / 1:13 pm

    I used to have a Syrian Hamster. I’m glad she died before she had to be witness to the massacre of her kind. What a stupid, sad world we live in :/ Certainly will donate – though unsure if it will be enough. Still, I suppose what else can I do sitting in front of my laptop from my very privileged and frankly sheltered lifestyle. Do I sound bitter?


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